Each time I hang out with my friends, I feel like a different person. Maybe it's the fact that I don't see all of my friends together very often (the long distance ones or the nearby/Pittsburgh ones) and so I'll reminisce upon the last time we shared a day together or the last time we had as much fun. True friends are a wondrous thing, really, because no matter how lame you are, no matter how silly you may act, they always see inside of you, and can relate your actions to your past experiences. They can understand your emotions and soak you in, relating the closest thing they have to your troubles. I feel like every time I see my friends I've grown from what they've taught me last. I admire the fact that we can have fun doing anything, that we could simply sit there and talk about the summer or a birthday or a random adventure we took once upon a time when we were all together and there was no drama.
Clearly the more drama there is, the harder it is for a large group of friends to stick together. But what also comes into play is the fact that the ones who are remaining and move on past the drama and gossip and hurt have more strength and are unified in one loving circle, because after all they've shared with each other from their lives, they have one solid thing in common. And while some people might despair over that one common bond being a negative thing, it's no big whoop. What binds you will remain.
07 June 2009
04 June 2009
Last Day of Schoooool.
So today, approximately two hours and thirty-six minutes ago, I finished my last day of tenth grade. This year has been surprisingly easy. I'm not sure whether that's due to the fact that I transferred to a new school (which is a middle college, so you wouldn't expect it to be easier, but it was), or whether I got smarter, or whether the classes were 55 minutes long so I pretty much didn't have any homework at all. Or something else. I definitely do know that my social life and... is it called an emotional life? struggled more than my academic...path.
Not only was it difficult to make close friends at Boyce, but I seemed to be the only one with this problem. Even though there were small bouts of drama here and there, everyone pretty much got along and most certainly everyone knew everyone. Even to the last day of school I got asked "Wait, what's your name?" Yeah, really. The school was so much different than what I had been expecting, and when I told people that I was possibly moving to State College it seemed the teachers were the people who cared most. Maybe it's my fault, though; maybe I entered the school year with too stubborn opinions and too little hopes.
I've compiled a list of things I've done or learned this school year, not necessarily in school or anything, just from last August to today. Enjoy.
1) Contrary to my prior belief (and what I thought was fact), I've learned that you can indeed present a powerpoint on homosexual issues in the media and have people NOT laugh at you.
2) I've learned that I can indeed compile my own set lists.
3) With a set list I had the courage to play a wizard rock show with my own songs, which felt better than anything I've experienced this year.
4) I've come to realize that the reason I love the Weasleys so much is that my family sucks and I yearn to have one like theirs, which, no, is NOT perfect.
5) I've realized that clearly I've become more frigid and closed to people, which led me to confusion over whether I'm just more clever in certain situations than some people, or whether I'm just not experiencing everything.
6) Sometime in March I wrote a four page essay until four in the morning. And WASN'T late for school the next day.
7) I've noticed that my reputation of "that Harry Potter girl" is not going anywhere.
8) I realize that #7 is nothing to complain about.
9) I learned to hold my head high especially when a) I'm being horribly embarrassed, b) I do indeed know what I'm talking about, and c) I'm being stared at.
10) I've learned to walk with dignity and laugh my loudest, no matter who's looking or what ridiculous face I make when I laugh.
11) I have gone over a year without talking to someone who I used to belief I couldn't live a day without. Two people, actually.
12) I've maintained very close relationships with people who I haven't seen for 6-11 months.
13) I reread Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince so I was up to date on the little details before the movie comes out this summer. (Not that the movies pay attention to the little details or anything.)
14) Became obsessed with the songs Butterfly Kisses for Minerva, The Fall, and I May Lose Everything.
15) I not only filled nearly every visible spot of turqoise paint on my walls, but I also began to write some of my favorite quotes on them with sharpie (Zach!) and then proceeded to move onto covering the ceiling (Ivy!).
16) I've realized that I really, really, really, really, really REALLY WISH SOMEONE WOULD DO YOUTUBE WITH ME AND NOT BE LAZY. Sorry, I felt like that had to be in all caps to get my point across.
17) Sometimes my all caps disguise my fear, my insecurity, or my serious take on things. Sometimes I don't even try to make it that way.
18) I've gone to wizard rock shows and had an amazing time even though there were a bunch of Muggles standing around and people staring at my ridiculous dance moves. Back in 2007 you would've never ever seen me with so much confidence.
19) I've begun to go religiously by Tianna Weasley.
20) I realized I liked someone a whole, whole lot and did what I knew best: ignored it.
21) I started wearing clothes that, you know, fit me.
22) I accepted that I'm crazy sometimes and also accepted that if you don't accept it, too fuggin shay.
23) I ended up with all A's and one C, which is a replica of my grades on my last 2 final report cards of the last 2 years of my education.
24) Began to yearn to get back into musical theater.
25) Wrote a song for three of my best friends.
26) Organized a show at my local library.
27) Agreed to play a show in a Hot Topic.
28) Sat in a car alone with my brother driving for 5 hours total.
29) Registered for Azkatraz.
30) Made about a hundred 5witches2wizards videos. How many did you make, guys?
31) Realized I don't hold grudges, but some bitterness just doesn't go away.
32) Got a 100% in gym class.
33) Survived two horrible college classes on campus.
34) Got a tripod, a flickr, and a born again inspiration for photography.
35) Rode a train by myself to the Bryn Mawr yule ball and back in under 24 hours.
36) Missed something more than I thought I was ever capable of.
37) Booked a plane ride for only myself. I'm still terrified at the thought.
38) Missed the 2009 ball drop because I was watching Hairspray and talking to Zach on the phone.
39) Got 40 pages into a Stephen King book and..stopped.
40) Saw my favorite muggle band in concert.
41) Went to prom without a date.
42) Got to my 3 year vegetarian anniversary mark.
43) Had someone get to know me because of Sweeney Todd.
44) Sustained injuries tripping over dollhouses, up the stairs, and hitting my head off the open bathroom mirror all in under 10 minutes.
45) Had my best friend come visit for one concert, one night, skipped school the day of and the day after, and then got bestfriendsick because I could smell her on my sheets.
46) Got strep throat twice.
47) Went 8 months without dying my hair.
Yep. that was my 10th grade year. Sooo exciting.
Not only was it difficult to make close friends at Boyce, but I seemed to be the only one with this problem. Even though there were small bouts of drama here and there, everyone pretty much got along and most certainly everyone knew everyone. Even to the last day of school I got asked "Wait, what's your name?" Yeah, really. The school was so much different than what I had been expecting, and when I told people that I was possibly moving to State College it seemed the teachers were the people who cared most. Maybe it's my fault, though; maybe I entered the school year with too stubborn opinions and too little hopes.
I've compiled a list of things I've done or learned this school year, not necessarily in school or anything, just from last August to today. Enjoy.
1) Contrary to my prior belief (and what I thought was fact), I've learned that you can indeed present a powerpoint on homosexual issues in the media and have people NOT laugh at you.
2) I've learned that I can indeed compile my own set lists.
3) With a set list I had the courage to play a wizard rock show with my own songs, which felt better than anything I've experienced this year.
4) I've come to realize that the reason I love the Weasleys so much is that my family sucks and I yearn to have one like theirs, which, no, is NOT perfect.
5) I've realized that clearly I've become more frigid and closed to people, which led me to confusion over whether I'm just more clever in certain situations than some people, or whether I'm just not experiencing everything.
6) Sometime in March I wrote a four page essay until four in the morning. And WASN'T late for school the next day.
7) I've noticed that my reputation of "that Harry Potter girl" is not going anywhere.
8) I realize that #7 is nothing to complain about.
9) I learned to hold my head high especially when a) I'm being horribly embarrassed, b) I do indeed know what I'm talking about, and c) I'm being stared at.
10) I've learned to walk with dignity and laugh my loudest, no matter who's looking or what ridiculous face I make when I laugh.
11) I have gone over a year without talking to someone who I used to belief I couldn't live a day without. Two people, actually.
12) I've maintained very close relationships with people who I haven't seen for 6-11 months.
13) I reread Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince so I was up to date on the little details before the movie comes out this summer. (Not that the movies pay attention to the little details or anything.)
14) Became obsessed with the songs Butterfly Kisses for Minerva, The Fall, and I May Lose Everything.
15) I not only filled nearly every visible spot of turqoise paint on my walls, but I also began to write some of my favorite quotes on them with sharpie (Zach!) and then proceeded to move onto covering the ceiling (Ivy!).
16) I've realized that I really, really, really, really, really REALLY WISH SOMEONE WOULD DO YOUTUBE WITH ME AND NOT BE LAZY. Sorry, I felt like that had to be in all caps to get my point across.
17) Sometimes my all caps disguise my fear, my insecurity, or my serious take on things. Sometimes I don't even try to make it that way.
18) I've gone to wizard rock shows and had an amazing time even though there were a bunch of Muggles standing around and people staring at my ridiculous dance moves. Back in 2007 you would've never ever seen me with so much confidence.
19) I've begun to go religiously by Tianna Weasley.
20) I realized I liked someone a whole, whole lot and did what I knew best: ignored it.
21) I started wearing clothes that, you know, fit me.
22) I accepted that I'm crazy sometimes and also accepted that if you don't accept it, too fuggin shay.
23) I ended up with all A's and one C, which is a replica of my grades on my last 2 final report cards of the last 2 years of my education.
24) Began to yearn to get back into musical theater.
25) Wrote a song for three of my best friends.
26) Organized a show at my local library.
27) Agreed to play a show in a Hot Topic.
28) Sat in a car alone with my brother driving for 5 hours total.
29) Registered for Azkatraz.
30) Made about a hundred 5witches2wizards videos. How many did you make, guys?
31) Realized I don't hold grudges, but some bitterness just doesn't go away.
32) Got a 100% in gym class.
33) Survived two horrible college classes on campus.
34) Got a tripod, a flickr, and a born again inspiration for photography.
35) Rode a train by myself to the Bryn Mawr yule ball and back in under 24 hours.
36) Missed something more than I thought I was ever capable of.
37) Booked a plane ride for only myself. I'm still terrified at the thought.
38) Missed the 2009 ball drop because I was watching Hairspray and talking to Zach on the phone.
39) Got 40 pages into a Stephen King book and..stopped.
40) Saw my favorite muggle band in concert.
41) Went to prom without a date.
42) Got to my 3 year vegetarian anniversary mark.
43) Had someone get to know me because of Sweeney Todd.
44) Sustained injuries tripping over dollhouses, up the stairs, and hitting my head off the open bathroom mirror all in under 10 minutes.
45) Had my best friend come visit for one concert, one night, skipped school the day of and the day after, and then got bestfriendsick because I could smell her on my sheets.
46) Got strep throat twice.
47) Went 8 months without dying my hair.
Yep. that was my 10th grade year. Sooo exciting.
29 April 2009
Hey guys, it's...
...Wednesday!
Yeah, that's right, you heard me. It's Wednesday, my favorite day of the week. Why? I'll give you some reasons.
Number one: I get out of school early every Wednesday at 12:15.
Number two: I will always be 5witches2wizards's resident Wednesday.
Number three: Because I used to rush home every day and make videos for 5w2w, it's given me a positive spirit I continue to bring home with me every Wednesday because it's the anniversary of the days I got to make hilarious lengthy videos for my best friends.
Number four: It's the middle of the week. Half of it's gone, what is there to lose?
Number five: Nobody can spell Wednesday.
So yeah. Wednesdays are pretty amazing. It's 1:19 pm and none of my friends are home from school. But then again, even if they were they wouldn't be talking to me because... they suck. Well no, they're just really busy and experts on life, as opposed to being a novice at life, like me.
I actually did get to be on Pwncast with Cody and Julia, and I got to talk about the Weasleys and I Speak Tree! It was so much fun. Well, besides the parts where my internet kept going off and on but I battled that Muggle technology like the stubborn Weasley I am. Some links:
http://www.myspace.com/ispeaktree
http://pwncastofwrock.com/
http://www.youtube.com/user/5witches2wizards
http://www.myspace.com/cccabbages
Anyway...
I'm sitting here in my blue snake skin (obviously faux) flip flops and listening to the Mudbloods and just getting really pumped about my show on June 19th with The Chinese Chomping Cabbages. :D It's going to be freaking amazing. Yesterday, which happened to be wizard rock awareness day, my creative writing teacher finally said yes to coming to our show! :) I'm so excited. I thought she wouldn't be able to come, but I'm so glad she can, because all year she's told me stories about how much her 9 year old son loves Harry Potter and dressed as him for Halloween and everything. Oh man. I can't wait for school to be over.
Yeah, that's right, you heard me. It's Wednesday, my favorite day of the week. Why? I'll give you some reasons.
Number one: I get out of school early every Wednesday at 12:15.
Number two: I will always be 5witches2wizards's resident Wednesday.
Number three: Because I used to rush home every day and make videos for 5w2w, it's given me a positive spirit I continue to bring home with me every Wednesday because it's the anniversary of the days I got to make hilarious lengthy videos for my best friends.
Number four: It's the middle of the week. Half of it's gone, what is there to lose?
Number five: Nobody can spell Wednesday.
So yeah. Wednesdays are pretty amazing. It's 1:19 pm and none of my friends are home from school. But then again, even if they were they wouldn't be talking to me because... they suck. Well no, they're just really busy and experts on life, as opposed to being a novice at life, like me.
I actually did get to be on Pwncast with Cody and Julia, and I got to talk about the Weasleys and I Speak Tree! It was so much fun. Well, besides the parts where my internet kept going off and on but I battled that Muggle technology like the stubborn Weasley I am. Some links:
http://www.myspace.com/ispeaktree
http://pwncastofwrock.com/
http://www.youtube.com/user/5witches2wizards
http://www.myspace.com/cccabbages
Anyway...
I'm sitting here in my blue snake skin (obviously faux) flip flops and listening to the Mudbloods and just getting really pumped about my show on June 19th with The Chinese Chomping Cabbages. :D It's going to be freaking amazing. Yesterday, which happened to be wizard rock awareness day, my creative writing teacher finally said yes to coming to our show! :) I'm so excited. I thought she wouldn't be able to come, but I'm so glad she can, because all year she's told me stories about how much her 9 year old son loves Harry Potter and dressed as him for Halloween and everything. Oh man. I can't wait for school to be over.
28 April 2009
HOT, HOT, HOT
I can NOT sleep. It is too damn hot for a normal human being to sleep in this condition. Honestly, like… my mother insists I “lay still until I feel cool.” Yeah right, I’d rather go haul out the old bug infested Toys R Us tent and camp outside. If I’m considered a normal human being, well, then I’m incapable of sleeping in this weather.
People are all like, oh it’s so much cooler tonight because it rained! NO. No, people, no. My room is a SAUNA. You don’t understand. There could be a consecutive row of floor-to-ceiling windows with the screens flung wide open and my room would still be the hottest part of the house.
This is not fair. I did nothing to deserve this.
It’s not even MAY yet and it’s in the 80’s? Really? Where the hell did spring go? We’re starting to have a winter, summer, winter, summer pattern with no interruptions of spring or fall. This is depressing. Maybe it can become some new version of Seasonal Affective Disorder. I mean seriously, if it’s like this until September I don’t know how I’ll live. I love summer weather, but really? This just makes me sad. Too soon, mother nature, too god damn soon.
Now I shall go “lay still until I feel cool.” Wish me luck.
People are all like, oh it’s so much cooler tonight because it rained! NO. No, people, no. My room is a SAUNA. You don’t understand. There could be a consecutive row of floor-to-ceiling windows with the screens flung wide open and my room would still be the hottest part of the house.
This is not fair. I did nothing to deserve this.
It’s not even MAY yet and it’s in the 80’s? Really? Where the hell did spring go? We’re starting to have a winter, summer, winter, summer pattern with no interruptions of spring or fall. This is depressing. Maybe it can become some new version of Seasonal Affective Disorder. I mean seriously, if it’s like this until September I don’t know how I’ll live. I love summer weather, but really? This just makes me sad. Too soon, mother nature, too god damn soon.
Now I shall go “lay still until I feel cool.” Wish me luck.
26 April 2009
Sunday
For some reason, Sunday is my least favorite day of the week. On some calendars it's the last day of the week, but in America it's day number one. I don't know if that makes me a pessimist to dread the new beginning of a fresh week, or an optimist because I'd be looking forward to the end of the week, meaning I'd be excited for a new beginning? I just confused myself really badly. I don't even know.
I just got really depressed because one of my friends asked me if I'd be on their podcast and talk about my band and the Weasleys tomorrow, but I can't because I have my psychology class. Blahh. I'm not even in college, don't ask why I'm taking these difficult courses. It's ridiculous. And I have a quiz where I have no idea what I'm supposed to know, so I tried reading pretty much the whole book at once, and I'm just going to forget a bunch of things.
I wish I had more incentive to blog more often.
I just got really depressed because one of my friends asked me if I'd be on their podcast and talk about my band and the Weasleys tomorrow, but I can't because I have my psychology class. Blahh. I'm not even in college, don't ask why I'm taking these difficult courses. It's ridiculous. And I have a quiz where I have no idea what I'm supposed to know, so I tried reading pretty much the whole book at once, and I'm just going to forget a bunch of things.
I wish I had more incentive to blog more often.
13 April 2009
April 13th
This weekend, I studied ridiculously hard for my second psychology exam of the semester.
This weekend, I visited my grandma and realized that people in rehab centers might as well be dead, they're all so lifeless and miserable.
This weekend, I understood that when you're in the country you'll do anything for entertainment. Yes, even strenuous tasks like pulling the weeds.
Yesterday, I laughed at a joke my brother made. That's a rarity.
Yesterday, I listened to old people bowling all day.
Yesterday, my mom gave me a movie for Easter because it has my best friend's name in it.
Today, I got an A on that second psychology exam of the semester and nearly broke out right there in the classroom in the electric slide.
Today, I came to the conclusion I want to write a quiet song.
Today, I'm going to bed before midnight.
This weekend, I visited my grandma and realized that people in rehab centers might as well be dead, they're all so lifeless and miserable.
This weekend, I understood that when you're in the country you'll do anything for entertainment. Yes, even strenuous tasks like pulling the weeds.
Yesterday, I laughed at a joke my brother made. That's a rarity.
Yesterday, I listened to old people bowling all day.
Yesterday, my mom gave me a movie for Easter because it has my best friend's name in it.
Today, I got an A on that second psychology exam of the semester and nearly broke out right there in the classroom in the electric slide.
Today, I came to the conclusion I want to write a quiet song.
Today, I'm going to bed before midnight.
12 April 2009
lillies
I've been neglecting blogspot already. *fails*
You are my clock. In fact, you have been for quite a while now. You skip around sometimes, go back an hour and then forward when I'm least expecting it, but what can I say? It'll grow on me like weeds in between the glowing lillies. I always find a way to count on you somehow, even if I don't try. Sometimes I can even hear you from two rooms over, and when I go to sleep, you're still there, ticking along, a constant reminder that no matter how much effort you put into slowing down time, it will never happen. There will always be tomorrow, always. Even the times I've fallen asleep praying that I wouldn't wake up, your incessant ticking awoke my spirits once more, however begrudgingly. You are the reminder I beg for, telling me to keep going, although that's not what you'd do. Your hypocrisy gets to me sometimes and I'll roll my eyes at you, but then realize you were right in the first place. Even if you didn't know what you were talking about. Funny how that works.
You are my inner nature. You are what it's worth, my worth. You are the reason I keep going, keep on writing, keep on living and looking forward to each new day. I suppose you really do need to be there. You are my world, my static. My velcro. If we were a pair of shoes, we'd be tied together at the laces. Maybe we couldn't walk, sure that's an inconvenience. But that's us. Maybe this will die out, but before it does I'd like to tell you how much it means to me. I could fly across seas and it wouldn't be enough for you. I'm not a person to you, I'm an idea, and that's what kills me. Your understanding does not compensate for your lack of knowing.
You are my sense of chaos. You are the earthquake inside of me, the trainwreck, its cause and effect pattern too extraneous for my own good. My wishes will never fulfill reality, will never extricate what I long to say. In my dreams I take your hand, trace into your palm what I'm trying to say. We get each other like nothing else, not even the purest bluejays could read our minds like we do. Speaking is overrated, but it's the only form of communication I'm left with, there's no other way I can face what's out there.
You are the brightest star in the sky, always. I know I'm only one out of a million that's crazy for your attention, but with each coming moon I know it will wane, and I'm not too much looking forward to the waxing.
I'm really really sorry. This deserves more than a message in a bottle floating off to nowhere, but maybe something will intercept and you'll catch it. A butterfly struggles in the gaps between your fingers, screaming for freedom. You are whole, and there is no room for my appreciation. The butterfly understands, just as I do.
But whatever we end up, you'll always be my clock. The second hand that never tires, you'll always subconsciously push me to create new beginnings. There is no way to shut you up. The thumping of your standard ticking, the beating of my heart in tune, it's all too much to be a mere coincidence. I think I'm going crazy.
You are my clock. In fact, you have been for quite a while now. You skip around sometimes, go back an hour and then forward when I'm least expecting it, but what can I say? It'll grow on me like weeds in between the glowing lillies. I always find a way to count on you somehow, even if I don't try. Sometimes I can even hear you from two rooms over, and when I go to sleep, you're still there, ticking along, a constant reminder that no matter how much effort you put into slowing down time, it will never happen. There will always be tomorrow, always. Even the times I've fallen asleep praying that I wouldn't wake up, your incessant ticking awoke my spirits once more, however begrudgingly. You are the reminder I beg for, telling me to keep going, although that's not what you'd do. Your hypocrisy gets to me sometimes and I'll roll my eyes at you, but then realize you were right in the first place. Even if you didn't know what you were talking about. Funny how that works.
You are my inner nature. You are what it's worth, my worth. You are the reason I keep going, keep on writing, keep on living and looking forward to each new day. I suppose you really do need to be there. You are my world, my static. My velcro. If we were a pair of shoes, we'd be tied together at the laces. Maybe we couldn't walk, sure that's an inconvenience. But that's us. Maybe this will die out, but before it does I'd like to tell you how much it means to me. I could fly across seas and it wouldn't be enough for you. I'm not a person to you, I'm an idea, and that's what kills me. Your understanding does not compensate for your lack of knowing.
You are my sense of chaos. You are the earthquake inside of me, the trainwreck, its cause and effect pattern too extraneous for my own good. My wishes will never fulfill reality, will never extricate what I long to say. In my dreams I take your hand, trace into your palm what I'm trying to say. We get each other like nothing else, not even the purest bluejays could read our minds like we do. Speaking is overrated, but it's the only form of communication I'm left with, there's no other way I can face what's out there.
You are the brightest star in the sky, always. I know I'm only one out of a million that's crazy for your attention, but with each coming moon I know it will wane, and I'm not too much looking forward to the waxing.
I'm really really sorry. This deserves more than a message in a bottle floating off to nowhere, but maybe something will intercept and you'll catch it. A butterfly struggles in the gaps between your fingers, screaming for freedom. You are whole, and there is no room for my appreciation. The butterfly understands, just as I do.
But whatever we end up, you'll always be my clock. The second hand that never tires, you'll always subconsciously push me to create new beginnings. There is no way to shut you up. The thumping of your standard ticking, the beating of my heart in tune, it's all too much to be a mere coincidence. I think I'm going crazy.
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