So many people want things. And not enough people need them. Some of those wants could very well be needs, and some of those needs wants. People, myself included, get the two mixed up all the time. This is very apparent when you find yourself really starting to admire someone and notice the little things about them such as the arch of their eyebrows or their awkward nervous habits.
How can you separate want from need in this situation? Is want limited to receiving love, or can it be that you really do harbor a desire to give someone your undivided attention and affection? Can this be borderline need, or is there some other specific criteria that allows it to be defined?
When I want to be in a relationship with someone, I find myself focusing more on ways that I could ease the pain in their life and devote myself to them rather than ways I could catch their attention and convince them to adore me. So do I need their affection in return, or am I just wanting to feel it? I could never make up my mind on this, but I think I've just begun to figure it out.
You can't honestly, totally love someone if they're not in the core of you. Not to say that you must do everything for them or revolve your world around one person, but you should feel like you're tied to them in the most pleasant of ways. It shouldn't be a "oh, I'm your wife, let me make you a sandwich," but more of a "I feel like we could really make genuine positive impacts on each other's lives, so let's try this."
Trying to convey this to people when asking them out is nearly impossible, and how can you ever know whose intentions are real and honest? I believe that's one of the reasons why most people seem to automatically jump to the conclusion that long distance relationships are doomed. They're tricky, but they shouldn't seem impossible because of trust issues. Hell, I have too many of those and I'm always throwing myself forward into the unknown.
I am sometimes told that I'm in need of a cool down session and that my friends walk on eggshells around me. Which is amusing because my attitude (which my mom always blames on me being a Leo) certainly does crop up uncontrollably. In a setting with more strangers, I'll hold it in or maybe say some snarly comment, but if I lose my temper around a close friend I'm not holding any anger back. I think this is because I assume that no matter how upset we become with each other, we'll always be there for each other because of the connection we'd already built up.
I wish I didn't have this mindset sometimes, but on the other hand it makes me very proud that I do. If everyone thought this of their friends, there would be lots of arguing and not a lot of making up. At the same time, though, there wouldn't be as much distrust and suspicion between close friends. I guess I got fed up with that and just assumed that if someone can't deal with the fact that I may disagree with them, then they don't deserve my friendship.
I've developed some pretty intense opinions about things in the past couple of years without really attempting to, but I've never really formed a whole one on the want vs. need topic relating to relationships. Honestly, I think it's what you're out there looking for. When you relate the need of love to the need of oxygen, food, and shelter, it's nothing. But when you relate it to every day life, it's absolutely everything. And I live in a world that I learn to overcome day by day, so I'm going to say that it's a legitimate need. Wanting to love someone is not just want. Some people, like those that need to feel love, need just as strongly, if not more, to give their all to one person and make them believe that they are cared for. Because they would be.
If only I could rant like this to someone specific and not Blogspot, I'd be good. ;)
28 October 2010
25 October 2010
long distance relationships
one thing i've noticed throughout my several attempts at these things is that you have to have almost a personal checklist of traits in order for it to work. of course, there's the expected: you must be loyal, dedicated, passionate, trustworthy, honest, and entertaining. with a good internet connection most of the time. most of these things are kind of obvious. also, you should actually really like the person you're dating otherwise it's absolutely pointless. the distance is supposed to build you up, not be there as a cushion.
and also, you have to have strengths that are within both individuals that have little to do with the relationship itself, but end up having effect on it. i feel like if you're a generally awkward person in real life, a long distance relationship is even more difficult than it is for the outgoing person. which is how it is for me. i'm so shy in real life and i really only blossom around my close friends. who are also very far away. so how can i not let fear get in the way when there are so many hours doing the same thing?
i don't know. the whole thing is so confusing. i'm either too obvious or an ice queen and there is no middle ground.
and also, you have to have strengths that are within both individuals that have little to do with the relationship itself, but end up having effect on it. i feel like if you're a generally awkward person in real life, a long distance relationship is even more difficult than it is for the outgoing person. which is how it is for me. i'm so shy in real life and i really only blossom around my close friends. who are also very far away. so how can i not let fear get in the way when there are so many hours doing the same thing?
i don't know. the whole thing is so confusing. i'm either too obvious or an ice queen and there is no middle ground.
24 October 2010
what bothers me.
because clearly, that's what keeping a blog is for. am i right? who cares, that's what mine is for at this point in time so deal or don't read. love you all. this blog has no structure at all. i'm just ranting. next time i'll focus on a more specific topic i'm hoping.
first of all, i just want to take a couple minutes and think about what kind of person i've become over the past couple of years. it is literally so confusing to me that if three different people asked me who i am and what has happened recently, my answers would probably all vary. it's not that i would be lying to any of them, it's just that the way i see it constantly changes. when i say constantly, i mean by the minute sometimes. by the hour, by the week. one thing i'm bitter about one day may be something i wake up the next day and feel terrible about. i'm an extremely indecisive person, and i don't think anyone hates it more than i do.
i thought i came to terms with the fact that i am not perfect a while ago, but evidence would suggest otherwise. for example, i constantly blame myself for things that happen when in fact, it's nowhere near my fault. and i know it isn't. it's just easier to blame yourself sometimes because people will accept it and assume you're truthful about it. at least my friends do, i don't know if yours are any better.
a little over a year ago, i was extremely proud of who i was and who i had become. i was proud of the fact that i never had to cuss anyone out, i was proud of being a huge nerd and having wonderful friends both in the area and across the country. i was extremely happy, and it showed in everything i did. i wrote, painted, danced, drew, listened, learned, spoke, did my hair, wore my clothes, and just lived in an enthusiastic manner. and maybe the thing that is bugging me the most is how i don't know where and when that all disappeared. not all of it, i'm sure. i know most of that is just buried under this disgusting layer of whatever hatred i possess.
i always used to preach to my friends how there was not enough room inside of us for hatred and that we needed to fill our every thought and action with love and respect and kindness. but that is totally unrealistic. people, and society in general, are bred to believe that depression is normal. feeling bad about yourself is the norm. it is rare to come across a human being with a constantly positive attitude shining on the outside. it would be ridiculous and impossible to firmly believe that someone out there is happy all the time, but there are some people out there who really go to all limits to make people believe that they are just so they can shed light on others. and that is the kind of person i admire.
i've always wanted to be the kind of person that someone really, truly likes. and i'm not singling out the romantic aspect of it, although sure, that's sweet and nice. it's just an overwhelming feeling to know that someone actually wants to talk to you. they want to know what you're up to, what you've been up to, what you're planning on being up to, and how you are. anyone who actually gives this much of a shit (which actually isn't that much in most people i know's standards) is really admirable to me. and i admire a couple of my friends very much so, just like this. i just never believe often enough that i could be that person.
i'm beginning to realize that i'm actually really sarcastic and even hurtful to people who i don't believe legitimately want to speak with me. i'm not sure when this started happening, but it was sometime in 2010. which, like i've bitched about before, was a generally bad year. just bad. i'm really crossing my fingers that i will have the guts to do all it takes to forcefully make 2011 a better place. i mean, i have high school graduation to look forward to. huzzah. i guess.
but really, there's no need for me to be like this. i'm spiteful to people, but i'm constantly looking for a way to better myself, and sometimes it just comes out wrong. and one thing i never do is apologize. i told myself to only say sorry when i either really meant it or it was really necessary, or both. but more of the former. there's no point in saying sorry if you don't mean it. you're not doing yourself any good, so just don't.
people just need to relax and chill out. you don't always need to think about what you're saying before you say it, but you should have some general idea of what you mean. if you don't say what you mean, that's a problem. and if you don't know what you mean, that's when you should put the thought process into it.
and can i just offer you some advice, blogger? watch out for cute people. cute people who know they're cute, make sure the whole world knows that they know it, and use it to their advantage may be bad. however, cute people who know they're cute and act like they don't know it are even worse. i don't even have a word to describe them. i've met so many of them that it's overwhelming. it's not just the shy person that thinks they're pretty at times but a mess at others. it's the cynical hoebags who think they can get their way with anyone just because they act humble.
nope. not gonna happen. gtfo, cuties.
and now, resume my pride. unless that's what got me here.
first of all, i just want to take a couple minutes and think about what kind of person i've become over the past couple of years. it is literally so confusing to me that if three different people asked me who i am and what has happened recently, my answers would probably all vary. it's not that i would be lying to any of them, it's just that the way i see it constantly changes. when i say constantly, i mean by the minute sometimes. by the hour, by the week. one thing i'm bitter about one day may be something i wake up the next day and feel terrible about. i'm an extremely indecisive person, and i don't think anyone hates it more than i do.
i thought i came to terms with the fact that i am not perfect a while ago, but evidence would suggest otherwise. for example, i constantly blame myself for things that happen when in fact, it's nowhere near my fault. and i know it isn't. it's just easier to blame yourself sometimes because people will accept it and assume you're truthful about it. at least my friends do, i don't know if yours are any better.
a little over a year ago, i was extremely proud of who i was and who i had become. i was proud of the fact that i never had to cuss anyone out, i was proud of being a huge nerd and having wonderful friends both in the area and across the country. i was extremely happy, and it showed in everything i did. i wrote, painted, danced, drew, listened, learned, spoke, did my hair, wore my clothes, and just lived in an enthusiastic manner. and maybe the thing that is bugging me the most is how i don't know where and when that all disappeared. not all of it, i'm sure. i know most of that is just buried under this disgusting layer of whatever hatred i possess.
i always used to preach to my friends how there was not enough room inside of us for hatred and that we needed to fill our every thought and action with love and respect and kindness. but that is totally unrealistic. people, and society in general, are bred to believe that depression is normal. feeling bad about yourself is the norm. it is rare to come across a human being with a constantly positive attitude shining on the outside. it would be ridiculous and impossible to firmly believe that someone out there is happy all the time, but there are some people out there who really go to all limits to make people believe that they are just so they can shed light on others. and that is the kind of person i admire.
i've always wanted to be the kind of person that someone really, truly likes. and i'm not singling out the romantic aspect of it, although sure, that's sweet and nice. it's just an overwhelming feeling to know that someone actually wants to talk to you. they want to know what you're up to, what you've been up to, what you're planning on being up to, and how you are. anyone who actually gives this much of a shit (which actually isn't that much in most people i know's standards) is really admirable to me. and i admire a couple of my friends very much so, just like this. i just never believe often enough that i could be that person.
i'm beginning to realize that i'm actually really sarcastic and even hurtful to people who i don't believe legitimately want to speak with me. i'm not sure when this started happening, but it was sometime in 2010. which, like i've bitched about before, was a generally bad year. just bad. i'm really crossing my fingers that i will have the guts to do all it takes to forcefully make 2011 a better place. i mean, i have high school graduation to look forward to. huzzah. i guess.
but really, there's no need for me to be like this. i'm spiteful to people, but i'm constantly looking for a way to better myself, and sometimes it just comes out wrong. and one thing i never do is apologize. i told myself to only say sorry when i either really meant it or it was really necessary, or both. but more of the former. there's no point in saying sorry if you don't mean it. you're not doing yourself any good, so just don't.
people just need to relax and chill out. you don't always need to think about what you're saying before you say it, but you should have some general idea of what you mean. if you don't say what you mean, that's a problem. and if you don't know what you mean, that's when you should put the thought process into it.
and can i just offer you some advice, blogger? watch out for cute people. cute people who know they're cute, make sure the whole world knows that they know it, and use it to their advantage may be bad. however, cute people who know they're cute and act like they don't know it are even worse. i don't even have a word to describe them. i've met so many of them that it's overwhelming. it's not just the shy person that thinks they're pretty at times but a mess at others. it's the cynical hoebags who think they can get their way with anyone just because they act humble.
nope. not gonna happen. gtfo, cuties.
and now, resume my pride. unless that's what got me here.
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