So many people want things. And not enough people need them. Some of those wants could very well be needs, and some of those needs wants. People, myself included, get the two mixed up all the time. This is very apparent when you find yourself really starting to admire someone and notice the little things about them such as the arch of their eyebrows or their awkward nervous habits.
How can you separate want from need in this situation? Is want limited to receiving love, or can it be that you really do harbor a desire to give someone your undivided attention and affection? Can this be borderline need, or is there some other specific criteria that allows it to be defined?
When I want to be in a relationship with someone, I find myself focusing more on ways that I could ease the pain in their life and devote myself to them rather than ways I could catch their attention and convince them to adore me. So do I need their affection in return, or am I just wanting to feel it? I could never make up my mind on this, but I think I've just begun to figure it out.
You can't honestly, totally love someone if they're not in the core of you. Not to say that you must do everything for them or revolve your world around one person, but you should feel like you're tied to them in the most pleasant of ways. It shouldn't be a "oh, I'm your wife, let me make you a sandwich," but more of a "I feel like we could really make genuine positive impacts on each other's lives, so let's try this."
Trying to convey this to people when asking them out is nearly impossible, and how can you ever know whose intentions are real and honest? I believe that's one of the reasons why most people seem to automatically jump to the conclusion that long distance relationships are doomed. They're tricky, but they shouldn't seem impossible because of trust issues. Hell, I have too many of those and I'm always throwing myself forward into the unknown.
I am sometimes told that I'm in need of a cool down session and that my friends walk on eggshells around me. Which is amusing because my attitude (which my mom always blames on me being a Leo) certainly does crop up uncontrollably. In a setting with more strangers, I'll hold it in or maybe say some snarly comment, but if I lose my temper around a close friend I'm not holding any anger back. I think this is because I assume that no matter how upset we become with each other, we'll always be there for each other because of the connection we'd already built up.
I wish I didn't have this mindset sometimes, but on the other hand it makes me very proud that I do. If everyone thought this of their friends, there would be lots of arguing and not a lot of making up. At the same time, though, there wouldn't be as much distrust and suspicion between close friends. I guess I got fed up with that and just assumed that if someone can't deal with the fact that I may disagree with them, then they don't deserve my friendship.
I've developed some pretty intense opinions about things in the past couple of years without really attempting to, but I've never really formed a whole one on the want vs. need topic relating to relationships. Honestly, I think it's what you're out there looking for. When you relate the need of love to the need of oxygen, food, and shelter, it's nothing. But when you relate it to every day life, it's absolutely everything. And I live in a world that I learn to overcome day by day, so I'm going to say that it's a legitimate need. Wanting to love someone is not just want. Some people, like those that need to feel love, need just as strongly, if not more, to give their all to one person and make them believe that they are cared for. Because they would be.
If only I could rant like this to someone specific and not Blogspot, I'd be good. ;)
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