forgiveness. it's something i've never been able to accomplish very well. and while i can't tell myself that adding someone back on facebook or responding to their texts every once in a while is forgiveness, it's starting to hold a different meaning for me. i'm starting to accept the fact that it sometimes takes months to be able to say "it's okay." sometimes the things people do are so horrid and hurtful that we may never understand why they chose to do something so crappy. in the end, though, if we keep our anger inside it will only destroy us. as a teen, i've begun to realize i don't want that to be my future. at the same time, however, it's tremendously difficult to just make up your mind on something so trivial. you really have to walk the walk and not just say, "i forgive you." because if you do that and you still kind of hate the person, it's even worse than it was before. i'd rather get the cold shoulder for ten years than have to deal with someone who i hated.
it's extremely difficult to be ignored, but it's harder to not even understand why. sometimes, though, you need to keep in mind that it might not be your fault. and while this may seem like a cop out, it's proven to be true more often than not in my life. my dad leaving wasn't my fault. my sister walking out wasn't either. the boy i like ignoring me isn't my fault. sometimes people have mental blocks that keep them from doing things that they really want to do. maybe my dad and my sister want to ask for forgiveness, but don't because they're worried it may be futile (and it is). maybe the boy who's ignoring me wants to ask me out and he's too scared of commitment to do so. everyone has boundaries whether they choose to see them or not, and you do too.
so the next time someone says something mean to you, ignores you for a ridiculous period of time, or you just keep thinking of someone who you don't think is thinking of you back, just keep in mind that they're going through struggles too. even if you can't see them, even if they live very far away, even if you see them every day, even if they're your family. struggles can be internal, and those are the worst kind. as far as forgiveness goes, i'm still learning. but i feel like this could be the first great step toward it.
