go with the flow

some people just never know when they can expect better, you know?

like, they'll break up with someone because they either feel like they need to or their friends talked them into it or maybe they were broken up with. but they float in space, convincing themselves that they can't find better after months and months of looking. and i think this is so sad because it's so understandable.

you never, ever know what's coming next or what to expect. yet your mind places these images of what should be in the back of your brain and when it isn't real, all is chaos. is it so much to ask that our minds would just be put to rest and let spontaneity roll off the wind and divide itself where it may?

i just think there is too much thought placed upon where, when, how, and why things happen. if we just went with the flow, there would be no worries like these. they're just that - worrisome, pointless, silly. pushing them far away would do humankind in general a lot of good

i think this is why people tell me i should get high with them.

Look before you leap.

I found myself with the urge to blog, and so here I am, Blogger. I thought it'd be pretty silly to ignore the avalanche of words in my head, so here they come, spilling out one by one as if they have an out box.

For reasons that I'm not going to go into detail about on here, not like anyone really reads it anyway, I started once again pondering my decision on attending LeakyCon 2011. Yeah, it's just a Harry freaking Potter convention. It's really not that big of a deal. You go or you don't. You spend the money or you save up for college. You act out your favorite character on stage or you sit at home and mope.

But over the last three years, my emotions have gotten mixed into the blur that were the three conventions I've attended. This has happened so much so that when asked what I thought of each individual conference, I usually don't even know where to begin with a reply. Therefore, I'll tell exaggerated stories of what happened based on what I know I felt like. These things could have easily been changed, and every year pre-convention it seems they'll be smoothed out. But somehow, some way, I end up letting petty things get to me.

The fact that I feel guilty a lot of the time is probably a very prevalent factor in my less than satisfactory enjoyment of Harry Potter conventions. You would think, after nine years of loving a book series, that that's what the main focus would be at a location where hundreds and thousands of fans have congregated. Close friends and relatives have always congratulated me on my admirable utilization of the phrase "look before you leap."

When aforementioned information was found out, I began to roll my eyes and then giggle to myself at the stupidity of some of the people I used to find some of my closest friends - and in some cases, more than that. I just can't fathom in my mind how I didn't turn over the consequences in my mind before I acted on impulse. It used to be such an important, valued step for me to take before I made any decision in my life. Maybe that's just what happens when you start dating, who knows.

My mind flitted from the conductor's emotional trainwreck that was Infinitus to the passenger's emotional trainwreck that was Azkatraz. Before I attended these cons, I made lists of things I needed to both accomplish and avoid at them. Did I end up completing the things on my list? Did I even give the lists a second thought once I'd arrived? Hell no I didn't, and it's because I'm always too bothered by what my friends think, or making sure my friends are happy.

I wouldn't argue that the latter is a genuinely good thing, but when it gets in the way of my own well-being, it becomes a problem. And when hundreds of dollars are being forked over only for this to happen, it's an even bigger problem. So really, although there might be people who actually want me to go to LeakyCon, I'm crazy for going. But if I have any wits about me, I'll be single this time.

Right... already failing at that one.