Introduction

Okay, so maybe I've never really introduced myself on here. Have I? Who knows. I don't even know who actually reads this; most of the time it's just me talking to myself. But maybe I'll introduce myself to myself and learn more about myself. I'm worried I might have just used the word "myself" enough times to be considered scientifically narcissistic.

My name's Tianna. That's pronounced Tee- Ann (the A sounds like the A in alligator)- Na (like sodium). I would tell you my real last name (grossly Italian), but it's kind of useless since everyone knows me as Tianna Weasley. I've been obsessed with Ron Weasley ever since my second grade teacher, Mrs. Cipullo, read the Harry Potter books to my class of eight-year-olds. Until this date, and I have enough high school evidence for proof, I don't believe that anyone in that class has taken to heart the ideas of love and tolerance that I gained from those books. I had already harbored a passion for reading at that age, but never before had I actually believed something so beautiful could be real, might be real somewhere.

Some might say it's childish, but it's nevertheless true. Harry Potter became my life, and the fact that that might sound like the lamest thing ever to some people has totally escaped my concern - but not notice, which is the great thing about it. I love going out in public and wearing extreme Harry Potter merchandise and showing off my passion for the series and the fandom I've gotten into because of it. I wouldn't trade it for anything, not anything. I wouldn't even give up the crazy stares I get because of it, because those looks of confusion and awe toward the entire community make us an enigma of hope, I think. That there are people out there who care enough about books still to be into them to a hardcore extreme years after the last book has been released, to organize meetings and discuss the books and movies, to plan events and base them off of things that happen in the series, and to actually write music about them that started its own genre? Insane. A miracle, if you ask me.

I've ranted about the Harry Potter/wizard rock fandom before and although in some aspects I kind of feel like repeating myself (since no one reads this anyway, LOL), but I'm going to continue. Two Saturdays ago I played my fourth wizard rock show. (www.myspace.com/ispeaktree) :) It was definitely one of the best fandom experiences I've had. By the way, Blogspot keeps telling me that "fandom" should be corrected as "random." I'd have thought that a site like this would be warmed up to the word, but I guess not. Anyway, people were really supportive at the show, which was with 3 other wizard rock bands that I've looked up to for Merlin knows how long. The gratitude I feel from their appraisal is something I couldn't have gained if I didn't venture out and make my own wizard rock band on my own. I never thought I could do it by myself, but I am. And if it takes being along to succeed right now, well, I'M GONNA DO IT.

I'm in the process of restarting a Pittsburgh chapter of the Harry Potter Alliance. Why? Because I'm sick of feeling that ever since the last chapter we had died, we're nothing. We're definitely not, and I feel like we can rekindle the fire of what we once had and be something even larger and more powerful than before. After all, it's the Order of the PHOENIX for a reason. And like Harry implied, every famous and great wizard started out as simply a student. If someone else can do it, you can do it too - even better.

I wish I felt this inspired every day. Sometimes I get ideas to write at night and then in the morning I feel like a completely different person. I just wish I would get more incentive to rush to my computer and blog when I felt all those crazy emotions that I do when I write. Oh, well. It'll miracle-ize someday. New word.



Also, I'd like to point out how much (and how long) this made me laugh earlier:



Simply wonderful.

NaNoWriMo count: 41,551

i wish....

...
i was a natural redhead.
i could read a book in a day like i used to.
my best friend could live within 10 minutes of me.
i could make music that really moves people.
i could write something that inspires people.
my cats wouldn't fight so much.
my teeth were perfect.
i would never gain slower metabolism.
my mom would live forever.
my grandma would have never died.
i could remember more of my grandfathers.
my sister wasn't the way she is.
i wouldn't snap out on my best friends when they don't deserve it.
my best friends would understand me better.
my stubbornness wouldn't come off so badly.
i could find a good pleated hogwarts skirt.
i could explain things to people without being rude.
people could explain things to me without being rude.

but all these wishes, i know,
can't come true unless i try to make them to.
someday.

anything's possible.

Lately, I've been arguing with almost all of my friends. Naturally, this makes me feel really shitty. But what I'm feeling that I wasn't expecting is stubbornness. I know I'm stubborn and I have been for as long as I can remember. But I just don't understand why all of a sudden I seem to be changing and everyone's staying in place. It kind of scares me sometimes because it seems like I'll lose all my friends, especially the long distance ones. But how can I when I'm being so practical? I'm not a horrible person, am I?

Day 3, NaNoWriMo: 6,767.

"freaking out" vs "personality"

Okay, seriously: since when has having a colorful personality become constituted as "freaking out"? You can't be "chill" about everything. We humans tend to form opinions about our surroundings and the relationships we have with people, and the people themselves. I guess if that's considered freaking out, so be it. I've gratefully learned to grab hold of my emotions, soak them in, and then release them. Letting your feelings run wild is the best path to release, and that includes speaking your mind at any given time. I've come so far, climbed up to the very top rung of this ladder, and now I'm being told I'm freaking out just for sharing my opinion. Can you gather what people are feeling just by what they say? No, because humans often speak on a whim. It's one of our many downsides. What really matters is the way they say it, and I wish more people could see it this way. Maybe they do and I'm living in fear. Maybe I've been prejudiced and blinded this entire time.

I'm beginning to think that sometimes when we believe people are becoming brainwashed, we're in the process of, and just as vulnerable to, being brainwashed by our own selves. I can't let myself get too wrapped up in the idea of someone else being brainwashed, or else the idea of their brains fogging over will become the only thought in my mind, washing out all other ideas that otherwise would have naturally occurred to me. I'm not exactly sure if the way I phrase it is very articulate, but it makes sense in my brain. That's another thing I'm trying to work on, saying just what I mean. And to stop stuttering, gosh. I wonder if there's anyone who just never stutters.

But really. I think it's the epitome of immaturity when you simply disregard someone's opinions and strong attitude toward something and just refer to it as "freaking out." Is this implying that the accuser never freaks out? Because in my situation, that's definitely not true. If you apparently understand that someone's freaking out who you're trying to deal something out with, aren't you going to try to reason with them and not let them get carried away? Unless you want them to go away, in which case you should just tell the goddamn truth.

I'm also starting to believe some people are born without a heart.

in a world so humungous,

what do we have to live for?

well, there goes a layer of my skin.

What. The. Hell.
Okay so it's Monday, no school because it's Columbus Day, and last night I went to bed at around four in the morning. Not really that unusual except for the fact that I've been going to bed at like 11pm now. I'm trying to become a faster reader and all that jazz. Even though speed isn't really that important, but my old creative writing teacher is begging me to read The Hunger Games and I really want to as well, so I'm trying to hurry up. I still have some library books out too that I already renewed a long time ago so.. that can't be good.
Anyway, I woke up at eleven a.m., rolled out of bed, and was told by my mom that there was a calico kitten on the front porch mewing its face off. She said my older calico cat had been pawing at the door which is ironic because the older one hates our tabby kitten. :( anyway I ran downstairs and it was gone, and my mom had left for a doctor's appointment, so I put food and water on the porch and basically stared out the glass front door for like an hour and ate vegan pizza for breakfast. Eventually I gave up and went back upstairs to practice guitar for my show next month when I heard mewing and sort of like mousy noises coming from outside, so I ran down and saw this cute, fuzzy, Halloween-colored kitten walking over the porch swing. Then I opened the door and it...ran away. Yeah. All these dogs have been barking nonstop. It's probably scared senseless. :(
So back to the guitar thing, yeah. I said I was going to try to make a CD by November 14th, when I play a show. But... uh, I don't see that really happening. I was so excited for it until now. Basically, Audacity plus the recording stuff I have is so shitty that I can't control the volume even if I wanted to. And I want to. It's either too loud or too quiet or too scratchy and it sucks. And people tell me that other wizard rockers' first CD's weren't too great either, but like..they probably had help or experience or a calm temper. I don't have any of those things. It's just frustrating. I played the same song for almost four hours straight trying to get it right and it still turned out crappy. And my left hand's finger pads have skin peeling off and it hurts to type and my fingernails are split and it's just gross. And someone wanted me to send her a Christmas wizard rock song for a charity compilation...and I have no idea how I'm going to record that by October 26th.
It reduced me to tears and hair-pulling and I'm still at a loss of ideas.

epiph

"You know, I just had en epiphany," she said philosophically. "Everyone you're scared of isn't really worth it."

"But if you believe that, then there's no competition in life," he frowned.

"So you think competition spawns from fear?"

"No, I just think fear leads a powerful debate," he shrugged.