because i have the time

and the negativity needs to flow out in some other way than what i had planned.

i hate your boyfriend. i hate how he stole you from me without even trying. i hate not knowing whether he tried or not. i hate the way you're so self centered anymore. you're not yourself. i hate how all you can focus on is who we used to be and not what we could amount to. i hate those stupid metal bands that i paid to hear, worthless. i hate your obsessions. i hate your "real" friends. i hate that you move in with someone i can't stand. i hate that all of my friends are closer with each other than i am to any of them. i hate that no matter how long i talk for it seems that i am making no difference or impression upon my listener. i hate that i need to resort to blogging to get my feelings out because no one else will listen to me. i haet angst. i hate being a teenager. i hate hate. i hate the cheesy nutcracker collection that line the shelves above this computer in my brother's room. i hate the facebook messages. i hate the way my friends get idolized for having talent. i hate the way i'm jealous. i hate how you still hang out with your ex girlfriend and pay me no mind. i hate that you don't realize that i like girls. i hate that i like girls. i hate that i hate that. i hate that i've made myself get over all the girls i've fallen for, without hardly trying. i hate never having found one that changed my mind. i hate having to wait 11 more months for anything to change. i hate the fact that i might not even get accepted. i hate that you'll do long distance for anyone that's not me. i hate that you stole from me, lied to me. i hate that you broke my heart. i hate that i told so many people and assumed they'd care. i hate when i'm in a good mood and gush about it and then regret it later because i knew your lack of enthusiasm stemmed from your anticpation of my next heated rant. i hate being a leo. i hate being feisty. i hate being unappreciate, selfish, uncouth. i hate being shy, outspoken, the underdog. i hate being me and i hate being you, i hate that you try to be me. i hate that you moved on to bigger and better things when that is me. i hate that you won't listen to me when you're all i have left here. i hate that i felt the need to write this. i hate that none of my friends really know me. i hate that my thighs ache with soreness, my heart with longing, my head with the cold, and my fingers from writing. i hate that i'm sitting where you sat.