9:29

when i say i love you, i'm not speaking on a whim.
i'm preaching from my honest heart.
i'm trying to help you, not be brave.
i'm just telling it like it is.
accept it or leave it.

when i say i mean it,
i'm not expecting long walks on the beach
or for you to hold my hand and look deep in my eyes
or for you to worship me like the sun shines out my ass
or even to kiss me in the rain
or take me out to a movie and kiss me til the end credits

no, i'm looking for
honesty, trust, respect
humor, a serious face,
trustworthiness, reality
but with a fantasy so
b e l i e v a b l e

i start to fall into the
cracks
and think
that maybe
one of these days
i'll open my eyes and

you'll be standing right next to me.

escape

You think you need escape from this place, you believe you hate it. You don't know where I've been, though. I've been so far gone and back that now I'm grateful I don't live in better places - but better has various, flexible meanings. If you are looking for freedom, good luck finding it outside your own mind. If you are hunting down a beautiful landscape replete with exotic scents and sights, I wish you luck in finding an outcome that's not lonely. Call me wrong, shut me down, but you haven't watched the spiders crawl up the wall like I have. Follow them, tap, tap, patter, splash, and put yourself in their shoes. Don't focus on where you want to be, but where you are now. All you've got to do is make that place worth living in, and voila. You've escaped.

fantasies

"Why do you talk to everyone so half-ass?" He shook his head impatiently.
"I... I guess I..." she opened and closed her mouth several fish-like times, quickly trying to formulate an answer in her brain before she snuck into her English class.
"Yeah?"
"I just live and put all my energy into my own world."
He sighed, emanating an indiscernible array of emotions in one breath.
"Well some day, do you think you'll ever float on back down to mine?"
She watched as he walked away, tucking his books under his arm and leaving her late for English.

weak

my greatest weakness is that ever since i stopped talking to my old best friend, i've had the uncanny ability to ignore someone, even those close to me, for long, long periods of time.

on a whim

"If you have to constantly remind yourself that you're lucky... are you still lucky?"

"It depends on who's doing the reminding: your heart or your brain."

wait, what?

i can feel the temptation,
longing shades of red, orange, yellow, and mauve
twisting and turning to the shape of your brain.
one thing you haven't realized
until the colors hit you in the face
and the cool turns to noon,
noon becomes after,
after turns to evening,
evening hatches night
and by the time it's all over,
what attraction have you resisted?

when i walk home, my feet accustomed to the concrete rise and fall
pitter patter, this way, that way, paved or not
i know my way around, though things have changed
i see them as they once and always were
whether the subject is uplifting is no one's business
except for the wild birds calling come home, come home
but this is where i grew up, mr. bird
and who are you to think i'll stray?
for once i did, never again, so ship me away, away
as far as you'd like, but to this day i'm not running.

jealousy plays no part in this act, but watch and you'll learn
the many ways and aspects of this society will unfold
just open your eyes, differently each day
maybe pry them monday,
drift open tuesday,
rub them wednesday,
stretch them thursday,
and after all this,
maybe you should keep them closed on friday.

clueless, past, doubled, sideways
i saw you standing on the steps regardless
with a swift mind i told myself don't look away, don't look, not now
but it's friday, i kept them closed, didn't i?
i closed my eyes and also my mind to shut you out
but you're right down the street, aren't you?
my fingers hate you.

tension, tension, unlike a knife
slice it once and what do you get?
two halves of the same price, both undesirable as well as nice
but
wait
you're
forgetting
to
keep
them
open

inspiration

Inspiration
More than
An arm’s breadth away
But still you reach,
Reach,
Reach,
And when it hits, you run
Run
Run home
Until the insight shoots
From your fingertips
Collides with your toes
Jolts back to your heart
And into your brain
You’re home now
Sand slipping through your fingers
You can’t recall
A single shot of
Inspiration